HOW TO BE: SEXY
What does it mean to be sexy?
For shits and giggles I typed 'sexy' into my dictionary to see what the literal meaning of the word meant. This is what came up;
While all of these meanings kind of get the gist of what being sexy means to me, it's something so much more. Although we can all agree that soft mountainous peaks are obvious teenage imagery for boobs and bordering on Shakira lyric worthy...oh...wait a sec... (what's the boob word for phallic?!), I don't think even I would describe them as sexy. Mountains, I mean. Not breasts. Breasts are sexy. Not just cause I'm a woman lover. They just are.
I read an article recently about women looking or feeling sexy at work being a negative thing, and all I have to say about it is HOW. Seriously, how could this be a negative thing? If a woman feels good about herself particularly within the workplace, where she is more than likely overlooked, patronised and underestimated (as well as not being paid enough) then I am blown away by her. I worship her. She is everything. Diva. To walk around feeling sexy, to make an effort to become that shows confidence like no other, and I applaud it.
In these circumstances, I always put myself in the shoes of the woman in question, and what I've come to realise is thatwhen it comes to being sexy, it's all in your head.
Speaking personally (there's a shocker), I've had issues with my body and self esteem for Y.E.A.R.S. Hundreds, thousands of women I know have unnecessarily had body issues, and so if and when they come to a point of acceptance with their gorgeous figures, WHO ON EARTH has the right to then take that away from them?
It took me a solid 10 years and about 400 hours of RuPaul's Drag Race to become at one with my body, to accept my giant arse and silver stretch marks and purple scars. To love my 28 inch legs and never finding jeans that fit (until I found American Apparel Easy Jeans, thank you denim gods) it took a lot, and I'm sure it goes without saying that if you're reading this, odds are that in one way or another, you can relate.
"Thank you, God, for all this bod"
Channelling your inner sex goddess is easy once you've acknowledged her.
Once you stop punishing yourself for eating cake today, or for not going to the gym this week, you'll find her. Once you stop setting yourself unrealistic goals of losing a stone in the new year, or going on a crash diet to lose 7lbs in 7 days, or going on a 'juice cleanse', or doing the 5:2 but way too harshly, she'll thank you. To find your inner goddess, one must treat their body like a temple. Like Latrice Royale, celebrate your curves and swerves.
I'm writing all of this as though I'm experienced in this field, which I absolutely admit that I am not. For the past god-knows-how-long I've been on a personal mission of self improvement, and part of this is trying to slowly change my mental state from self-loathing to self-loving. Though fundamentally it is about A LOT more than what you look like, for me, I strongly recommend wearing what makes you feel fabulous.
I'm obsessed with lingerie and would probably spend all my money (if I had any) on it. But I don't, so I don't. However, if wearing a matching set with seamed stockings underneath my clothes is going to make me feel like I can do anything,
then whoever tells me that I'm wrong or that it's inappropriate is frankly not worthy of being on my radar. Slandering women for anything they do is highly frowned upon in my book, we ought to be channeling that energy in to better, fiercer things. Sex is arguably one of the most subjective things on the planet, so nobody can tell you that you're wrong. Your version of sexy isn't the same as anyone else's, and that's the beauty of it.
Sexiness is ownership, it is confidence, it is poise, it is charm.
When speaking to my friend Nikki (@nikkialison) about the matter, her opinion was not too dissimilar from mine. She states
'To me, it's about confidence and a positive attitude. And flossed teeth, OMG flossed teeth are so important'. By god, isn't she right?
As a movement of Femmenism, it is my ambition to unite all the things that I feel passionately about, and sexiness, positive body image and standing up for women everywhere are huge parts of that. Join me on my quest to be exactly who you want to be, embrace yourself for exactly who and what you are and march forward with me - I'll wear Vivienne Westwood if you wear Kurt Geiger? (I would suggest Louboutin, but we ain't made o'cash money honey). Apologise to nobody for your flawlessness. Sexiness is a state of mind, and while embodying your inner Beyoncé is difficult, it is not impossible. My embodied sexiness might not be the embodied sexiness of everything and everyone I find attractive, but bear in mind that finding someone or something sexy doesn't imply you actually want to sleep with them - this is something I'll be elaborating on in the not-too-distant future.
In the eternal words of The Queen* herself, 'If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?'
*Not actually The Queen, though I'm sure Elizabeth would agree. This Queen is RuPaul, the original supermodel of the world.
Here's a parting gift, just because I love you.