This morning I sat in a pile of clothes on my bed and cried and cried and cried. Recently I've been feeling increasingly low about my body, and today I just couldn't find anything that I felt even remotely comfortable in. It's a defeated, despairing feeling that's really difficult to describe but really easy to relate to. I know men and women across a spectrum of ages who struggle with negative body days, but as easy as it is to throw on clothes and pretend you feel nice, it's tricky to not give in to the lows.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my body. I love that I'm not skinny. I love that I'm pear shaped, I love that I've got big thighs and big hips and small boobs. I think it's really fucking cool not being the same shape as everyone else, and this is something that I have to remind myself constantly.
Today I did something I've never done before. I wore white.
White is a colour that I've always avoided because I've been told it washes me out. I thought I'd put on this outfit and feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy or the Michelin Man, but I didn't.
I never like anything in white and constantly live in black but I saw this skirt in the sale in Zara and thought I could probably werk it somehow. My friend Jo told me that 'white makes you look confident', and that's what I'm sticking with. After the seemingly endless rush of anxiety and low confidence this morning, I took a chance and did something new, and I felt awesome all day long.
I know it's such a material thing to have such a drastic effect on me and that there are more important things to worry about, but having the confidence to go about my day is incredibly important to me. How can you take over the world if you're not even happy with what you're wearing?! Sissy that world.